Things Change

I feel a bit like a player in a video game... "Full health restored". Good times. And then the rest of it sounds unnervingly like The Game of Life. We added a boy to the family (add little blue peg to the plastic SUV), Husband lost his job (go back 5 spaces), Husband went to rehab (go back 10 spaces) and then I got laid off (return to start). So now I'm sitting here with a little blue plastic SUV, 2 blue pegs and 2 pink ones, one card that says I have a college degree and another card that says I have a mortgage to pay. I had insurance, but the game never really covered COBRA and the fact that keeping it for a family of 4 costs more than the mortgage on our house. And for some reason the possible salaries you can make with a college degree in the game never seemed as hard to get by on as they are in the real world.  Especially when you're the sole supporter of a family of 4 and starting your career over in a recession. Suddenly I find myself wishing I had sucked it up and decided to take on 100K in student loan debt to become a lawyer or a doctor when I was 20-something. Or any of those other things I told myself I couldn't have because they were too expensive. Suddenly that decision I made to stick with the major I was no longer in love with and go ahead and graduate because I would at least have a Bachelor's degree and a manageable level of student loan debt seems... irresponsible. I now have Responsibility. With a GIANT CAPITAL R. I keep telling myself that the stuff is replaceable. But the people aren't. They still need a place to live. A sense of security. Insurance to pay for visits to doctors for earaches and surgical procedures and counseling. Food on the table at meal times. Electricity to cool the house during scorching heat waves and running water to keep things sanitary. And some days I'm looking at that GIANT 'R' in the middle of my life and start to panic because I have no freaking clue how I'm going to do it. And then I get a hug from a little guy who just learned to walk. And a new painting from my pretty little artist. And I remember that sometimes we don't get to control how we do it. Sometimes you just have to roll the dice and take your chances. Things can and will always change.

GAME ON!